I’m a computer nerd. There, I’ve said it. I could no longer in good conscience don the garb of a hip Adelaidian, well-worn black shoes concealing the binary truth of my nature. Nope, I’m not the guy who thinks getting fingered on an IRC is pretty damn funny. I’m the one who rolled his eyes during The Net or Sneakers, longing for technological honesty..
One of my jobs places me in constant contact with others of my breed. I work as a Senior Strategic Enterprise Application Manager and Information Architect for a small printing company and deal with fielding questions like “I was trying to repaginate the sole copy of my Quark document on this floppy when I got a death chime and a sad Mac. What should I do?” You should shoot yourself, you technologically illiterate sub-human being. Well, sometimes answering some idiots makes a guy tense.
One of the things I’ve noticed is the relative hierarchy inherent in the nerd species. At the top, there is the Urgeek, the big-daddy grandmaster of trivial knowledge and obscure development terminology. The Urgeek shouldn’t be confused with the Protogeek, which connotes those who attained Urgeek status in the late 70’s or early 80’s. The Protogeeks actually remember what punch cards looked like. They are respected in a manner similar to vigilantes: yeah, I respect what you’ve done, just stay the hell away from me, you coffee ground eating freak. (The author vehemently urges those considering it not to repeat the latter to either a Protogeek or a vigilante.)
Below the Urgeek there are various minor levels of geekness, including the Froshnerd (Featuring parasitic features like knowledge-sucking probisci), the Jadednerd (seen it all, done it all, bitter about it all. Had a date once, supposedly), and the Mid-level Managementnerd, who is scoffed by his brethren for trading the unkempt hair and Goodwill clothes for a small measure of financial stability.
In general, computer nerds are well described by one of my old quips : They’re either crazy or about to get that way. Actually, the original subject was Im a geek…..blah, but we nerds are anything. Well, almost anything.
So, what have we learned today? We know that computer nerds are a new special strain; we know that chivalry still survives in some goofy context; and we know that my articles aren’t so hot when written after 4 hours of diagnostic exams. But then, they were never that hot.
My voice is my passport, baby. Verify me.